Martin Scores! (Says He)

See what I did there? Worst pun ever, anyone?

So last night's Oscars were pretty satisfying. Everything pretty much happened the way I wanted it to. In fact in my predicitions last week, I was right about four of my six predicted winners (Jennifer Hudson, Helen Mirren, Forest Whitaker and Martin Scorsese), and I was an astounding six out of six on who I thought SHOULD win (Alan Arkin and The Departed winning the other two).

So I watched the whole bloody thing... including the horrible pre-show red carpet thing. The worst part... Lisa Ling interviews "The Three Amigos," which would be a really insulting way to describe Mexican directors, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Guillermo del Toro and Alfonso Cuaron if they didn't embrace it so much. They're Mexican! Let's call them "amigos!" And while we're at it, let's compare them to Chevy Chase, Steve Martin and Martin Short!

Lisa Ling attempted another comparison, and it was ugly. She said their friendship was like that of three other directors... Coppola, Ford and Lucas.

Wait a minute. Coppola, FORD and Lucas? Um, who's FORD? I'm assuming she wasn't referring to John Ford, the legendary Western director who died before Coppola and Lucas even started directing?

The real answer, of course, is that Lisa Ling is a dunce. As we saw during the actual Oscar telecast, she was supposed to say Coppola, SPIELBERG and Lucas. Ford is Coppola's middle name and she doesn't get to count him twice.

It still didn't make cognitive sense. How do you discuss Coppola, Spielberg and Lucas, the three filmmaker friends that began their careers in the seventies without mentioning their other good friend, Martin Scorsese?

So there's the setup. During the Oscar telecast, they put Coppola, Spielberg and Lucas on stage to present Best Director. Boy, this was a risk on Oscar's part. Of course, they were there to present the award to their dear friend Marty as he FINALLY gets an award and create a classic Oscar moment. But can you imagine if it backfired? If Spielberg opened the envelope and said "and the winner is... Clint Eastwood! Again!" or "Paul Greengrass for United 93!"

Fortunately for Marty, and really, for all of us, that didn't happen. Marty finally got his due. Not only has perhaps the greatest living filmmaker finally won an Oscar, the rest of the world never has to go through this "give Marty a damn Oscar already!" stuff again.

So give Quentin Tarantino a damn Oscar already! (Yes I know he won one for a screenplay, but not as a director)

And Marty's film also won Best Picture, making his night even better. Kudos, Marty, you cheese-eating rat bastard.